fasterfood:

u wake up on christmas morning and go downstairs, full of excitement. somebody is stealing all of your christmas presents. it is jesus. “its my birthday, not yours” he hisses menacingly, then runs away with all your gifts in his arms

392,471 notes / 1 year ago
via: h-ilsid-e , source: fasterfood
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    Anyone who thinks I can’t shank Jesus at 20 yards when presents are on the line is sadly mistaken.
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